I loved church growing up. I was never that kid who had to be coaxed or forced into going to church on Sunday. As a matter of fact sometimes I went even when my parents didn’t – I would tag along with my grandmother or someone else. This is in spite of some not so pleasant memories of church I have as a child and preteen. I was overweight and bullied about my size by some of the guys a year or two older than me. It got bad enough at one point that my family and even some church leaders had to intervene. So, I still went, but I skipped my Sunday School class to help my grandmother in her role as Sunday School Superintendent, which involved tracking Sunday School attendance and offering collections. As a teenager I became even more involved. I was involved in my youth group, youth choir, and the adult choir (which anyone could join after reaching seventh grade). In addition to attending my home church, I’d also occasionally go to additional services with my great aunt on Friday and Sunday nights. Looking back, I realize a lot of the reason I was so heavily involved is because I was trying to push my life into a different direction. Like most LGBTQ+ folks, I began realizing something was different in my early teen years. Mostly subconsciously I tried to do anything I could to tamp down that part of me and throw myself into what I thought of as the exact opposite. Surely if I just prayed harder and went to church more I wouldn’t be gay. \/\/\/\/\/ At some point I realized I had to make a decision – I could be a Christian or I could be gay. But, the thing is, there really wasn’t a choice to be made. I am gay and that’s not something that can be changed. (If you’re a straight person reading this and you don’t believe that, then go ahead and change your sexuality…if you can do that easily, I’ve got some news for you…) So, really, as I said, I had no choice. My church attendance dwindled and eventually I wasn’t going anymore. I showed up occasionally for major events where my niece or nephew were involved, but that was it. I learned a lot during the years I wasn’t attending church. No longer trying to conceal a part of myself by being another person allowed me to be myself and figure out things for myself. It allowed me to grow and learn and live life. It allowed me to reflect on so much of the harm the Church has done. \/\/\/\/\/ A big turning point for me was 2016. The brand of Christianity that had captured so many evangelicals in America was totally unChristlike. I couldn’t stomach it. If I knew anything from spending my first 18 years in church and actually studying the Bible, I knew Jesus didn’t condone bigotry in any form, nor did he condone hatred, or nationalism. I saw a woman run for president whose political awakening resembled mine – a woman who was a lifelong United Methodist (the church I grew up in) – a woman who talked about love, kindness, and quoted John Wesley while campaigning. She advocated for the outcasts and those who needed uplifting, while her opponent spewed some of the most vile things I’ve ever heard come from a presidential candidate, yet most evangelicals flocked to him. Realizing that it wasn’t in spite of the hate but because of it crushed me. Like many, I was deeply depressed that fall and for quite a while afterward. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll ever fully get over it. Fast forward to 2020, and all the tragic things that happened that year, both personally and worldwide. The outcome of the 2020 presidential election boosted me and gave me a jolt of hope I desperately needed and I know so many others felt the same way. As someone who is generally optimistic, it was a dark few years. Interestingly enough, TikTok helped me find several progressive Christians and pastors. After 2016, a lot of people stood up against the vitriol of the Christian Right – many just couldn’t bear how Christianity had been hijacked and co-opted. \/\/\/\/\/ Mid 2021, when the Covid-19 vaccines were widely available and things really started to fully open back up, I was on the lookout for more social activities. I had researched a few local churches and watched some livestream clips from the Methodist church in downtown Birmingham. The church announced a slate of small groups for the Fall season, and one of them was called “Jesus, Gays, and Theys.” I knew I had to check it out. In atypical fashion, I went out on a limb and went to the first small group meeting on a Thursday night last October. I didn’t know anyone there, so showing up alone to a meeting like this was a big deal for me. That first night was an emotional experience. It wasn’t anything like I expected. I was in a room of almost three dozen out LGBTQ+ folks – a lot of whom had journeys similar to mine. Over the six weeks of small group meetings, I met some amazing people, a few who would turn out to be good friends. I met pastors and staff at the church who have a heart for loving people and are committed to justice. And, I learned more about myself. I realized that God had never sent me any sort of message telling me to choose between my faith and my sexuality – that was all done by people who believed many other hurtful things. After two weeks in the small group, I attended a Sunday morning service – and for the rest of the year didn’t miss a single Sunday. I wanted to be there on Sunday. I felt loved and welcomed, and enjoyed reconnecting spiritually. I decided I wanted to be a member of First Church and officially joined earlier this month. \/\/\/\/\/ The United Methodist Church is rooted in Methodism, or the Methodist movement. John Wesley was a founder and leader of this group. One of the top quotes attributed to him is, “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” He was an abolitionist and supported women preachers – in the 18th century! I’ve always admired those things about him. There are so many questions and things about God, including the existence or nonexistence of one or many deities, that I do not have the answers to. I’m someone who likes evidence, facts, and scientific reasoning. The entire point of faith is that there is no absolute proof. That’s what makes it faith. I don’t know what’s out there or up there and I don’t know what happens after we die. No one does. And again, that’s the point of faith. My beliefs are ever evolving because I’m human. I hope I always continue to grow based on new things I’ve learned. I think that’s what we’re all supposed to do. I know that the Church has hurt too many people, and I know that the UMC is currently grappling with how to deal with LGBTQ+ people. It is with that knowledge that I made a conscious decision to join my church, which affirms and embraces LGBTQ+ people. I needed to be another voice to show that yes, you absolutely can be Christian and gay. One of the many things about my church that I love is not only its mission to be an open place for all, but its willingness to sit in the gray, uncomfortable areas of life. Many of us grow up thinking everything is black and white. Right or wrong. This or that. It takes a lot of unlearning (and for me, therapy!) to realize that’s just not how the world works and that in fact most of life exists in this gray area. I don’t have to have everything figured out about God or anything else for that matter. I can ask questions, have discussions, and ponder on all the complexities of life. These questions aren’t just tolerated, but they are encouraged. I said to one of the pastors recently, if you can’t disagree with a part of a doctrine or on a certain topic within an organization, that sounds like a cult. I love that as a congregation we are encouraged to grow in our own way and to seek God in our own ways. If you believe God exists, then God exists everywhere, not just in a pew inside a church on Sunday morning.
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