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Just for fun, I decided to produce this year's Academy Awards. In my estimation, the show's runtime would be about 3.5 hours. Here's a rundown of how I'd run the show...
The 95th ACADEMY AWARDS Host: Lady Gaga with special guest Elton John
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 I loved church growing up. I was never that kid who had to be coaxed or forced into going to church on Sunday. As a matter of fact sometimes I went even when my parents didn’t – I would tag along with my grandmother or someone else. This is in spite of some not so pleasant memories of church I have as a child and preteen. I was overweight and bullied about my size by some of the guys a year or two older than me. It got bad enough at one point that my family and even some church leaders had to intervene. So, I still went, but I skipped my Sunday School class to help my grandmother in her role as Sunday School Superintendent, which involved tracking Sunday School attendance and offering collections. As a teenager I became even more involved. I was involved in my youth group, youth choir, and the adult choir (which anyone could join after reaching seventh grade). In addition to attending my home church, I’d also occasionally go to additional services with my great aunt on Friday and Sunday nights. Looking back, I realize a lot of the reason I was so heavily involved is because I was trying to push my life into a different direction. Like most LGBTQ+ folks, I began realizing something was different in my early teen years. Mostly subconsciously I tried to do anything I could to tamp down that part of me and throw myself into what I thought of as the exact opposite. Surely if I just prayed harder and went to church more I wouldn’t be gay. \/\/\/\/\/ At some point I realized I had to make a decision – I could be a Christian or I could be gay. But, the thing is, there really wasn’t a choice to be made. I am gay and that’s not something that can be changed. (If you’re a straight person reading this and you don’t believe that, then go ahead and change your sexuality…if you can do that easily, I’ve got some news for you…) So, really, as I said, I had no choice. My church attendance dwindled and eventually I wasn’t going anymore. I showed up occasionally for major events where my niece or nephew were involved, but that was it. I learned a lot during the years I wasn’t attending church. No longer trying to conceal a part of myself by being another person allowed me to be myself and figure out things for myself. It allowed me to grow and learn and live life. It allowed me to reflect on so much of the harm the Church has done. \/\/\/\/\/ A big turning point for me was 2016. The brand of Christianity that had captured so many evangelicals in America was totally unChristlike. I couldn’t stomach it. If I knew anything from spending my first 18 years in church and actually studying the Bible, I knew Jesus didn’t condone bigotry in any form, nor did he condone hatred, or nationalism. I saw a woman run for president whose political awakening resembled mine – a woman who was a lifelong United Methodist (the church I grew up in) – a woman who talked about love, kindness, and quoted John Wesley while campaigning. She advocated for the outcasts and those who needed uplifting, while her opponent spewed some of the most vile things I’ve ever heard come from a presidential candidate, yet most evangelicals flocked to him. Realizing that it wasn’t in spite of the hate but because of it crushed me. Like many, I was deeply depressed that fall and for quite a while afterward. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll ever fully get over it. Fast forward to 2020, and all the tragic things that happened that year, both personally and worldwide. The outcome of the 2020 presidential election boosted me and gave me a jolt of hope I desperately needed and I know so many others felt the same way. As someone who is generally optimistic, it was a dark few years. Interestingly enough, TikTok helped me find several progressive Christians and pastors. After 2016, a lot of people stood up against the vitriol of the Christian Right – many just couldn’t bear how Christianity had been hijacked and co-opted. \/\/\/\/\/ Mid 2021, when the Covid-19 vaccines were widely available and things really started to fully open back up, I was on the lookout for more social activities. I had researched a few local churches and watched some livestream clips from the Methodist church in downtown Birmingham. The church announced a slate of small groups for the Fall season, and one of them was called “Jesus, Gays, and Theys.” I knew I had to check it out. In atypical fashion, I went out on a limb and went to the first small group meeting on a Thursday night last October. I didn’t know anyone there, so showing up alone to a meeting like this was a big deal for me. That first night was an emotional experience. It wasn’t anything like I expected. I was in a room of almost three dozen out LGBTQ+ folks – a lot of whom had journeys similar to mine. Over the six weeks of small group meetings, I met some amazing people, a few who would turn out to be good friends. I met pastors and staff at the church who have a heart for loving people and are committed to justice. And, I learned more about myself. I realized that God had never sent me any sort of message telling me to choose between my faith and my sexuality – that was all done by people who believed many other hurtful things. After two weeks in the small group, I attended a Sunday morning service – and for the rest of the year didn’t miss a single Sunday. I wanted to be there on Sunday. I felt loved and welcomed, and enjoyed reconnecting spiritually. I decided I wanted to be a member of First Church and officially joined earlier this month. \/\/\/\/\/ The United Methodist Church is rooted in Methodism, or the Methodist movement. John Wesley was a founder and leader of this group. One of the top quotes attributed to him is, “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” He was an abolitionist and supported women preachers – in the 18th century! I’ve always admired those things about him. There are so many questions and things about God, including the existence or nonexistence of one or many deities, that I do not have the answers to. I’m someone who likes evidence, facts, and scientific reasoning. The entire point of faith is that there is no absolute proof. That’s what makes it faith. I don’t know what’s out there or up there and I don’t know what happens after we die. No one does. And again, that’s the point of faith. My beliefs are ever evolving because I’m human. I hope I always continue to grow based on new things I’ve learned. I think that’s what we’re all supposed to do. I know that the Church has hurt too many people, and I know that the UMC is currently grappling with how to deal with LGBTQ+ people. It is with that knowledge that I made a conscious decision to join my church, which affirms and embraces LGBTQ+ people. I needed to be another voice to show that yes, you absolutely can be Christian and gay. One of the many things about my church that I love is not only its mission to be an open place for all, but its willingness to sit in the gray, uncomfortable areas of life. Many of us grow up thinking everything is black and white. Right or wrong. This or that. It takes a lot of unlearning (and for me, therapy!) to realize that’s just not how the world works and that in fact most of life exists in this gray area. I don’t have to have everything figured out about God or anything else for that matter. I can ask questions, have discussions, and ponder on all the complexities of life. These questions aren’t just tolerated, but they are encouraged. I said to one of the pastors recently, if you can’t disagree with a part of a doctrine or on a certain topic within an organization, that sounds like a cult. I love that as a congregation we are encouraged to grow in our own way and to seek God in our own ways. If you believe God exists, then God exists everywhere, not just in a pew inside a church on Sunday morning.   In the spring of 1996, shortly before I turned 11 years old, I began my seventh year of playing Little League baseball. There were good years and bad years, but generally speaking I wasn’t very good at sports. It’s not a unique story—overweight, unathletic kid who got picked last, etc. My grandmother promised me she’d buy me a new CD for getting through another year of baseball. (She had a long history of rewarding me with prizes even when I didn’t necessarily deserve anything.) This promise thrilled me! I had just been getting into music after I got a CD player for Christmas when I was 9 years old, and I loved going to Musicland/Sam Goody in the local mall. I was pretty sure I wanted the Dangerous Minds soundtrack because of the song “Gangsta’s Paradise.” But, after one more trip to the music store I found something else. At the time, the only new music I listened to was country music because that’s what my parents listened to. I only knew pop and rap songs that were wildly popular if I heard them at school or through a friend. So, most of my music collection was country. I browsed the country music section and saw a CD by Shania Twain. I knew a few of her songs so I picked up the album titled Shania Twain and glanced at the track list. I didn’t know any of those songs. I did the same with The Woman In Me and there were quite a few songs on it I liked. Her massive hit “Any Man of Mine” was a favorite and it turned out she also sang “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?” (I thought the latter was performed by someone like Pam Tillis…”Any Man of Mine” was the first Shania song I was familiar with.) I decided The Woman In Me was the CD I wanted and relayed that decision to my grandmother. A few days later when my mom picked me up from baseball practice, the shrink-wrapped newly purchased CD was sitting in the passenger seat waiting on me. I remember that moment, but I don’t remember listening to the album the first time. I do remember completely falling in love. It was the first CD I owned that I could listen to from beginning to end without skipping any songs. Every song on that album was amazing to me. I listened to it day in and day out, flipping through the CD booklet and obsessing over the lyrics. I had never heard music this wonderful! Shania’s voice and songwriting completely captivated me. I became an instant and lifelong fan. It’s no coincidence that just a few months later, I wrote my very first song. These days I don’t write song lyrics that often, but I can trace my love of writing back to The Woman In Me. I was overwhelmed and inspired. I ended up getting her first CD later and of course loved it, too. I’ve been a devoted Shania fan for over 20 years now and her music isn’t the only inspiring thing about her. Her resilience amazes me. She’s been through such extreme lows and traumas in her life, yet she always bounces back and stays optimistic. That optimism is what helps get me going somedays. I love the cheerfulness in Shania’s music. Even in many of her darker more raw songs, she provides a silver lining to see that light at the end of the tunnel. The first single from her upcoming album Now does just that. “I wasn’t just broken, I was shattered,” she sings on “Life’s About To Get Good.” But, clearly with that title, things don’t stay that way for long. “Life’s About To Get Good’ is the mantra I need in such bleak times. Even though that particular song was more than 20 years away from being written and released, receiving The Woman In Me was a symbol that life was about to get good for me. I read a study recently that showed people with anxiety are more prone towards obsessions. It made total sense to me. Obsessing over Shania’s music and career have often been a great distraction when other things in my life weren’t so great. Even as I write this, it’s hard to put into writing just how much her music and story has meant to me. I can point to examples like getting her CD above, or reading her interview in The Advocate when I was a closeted teenager (and how few straight music stars would grant their time to LGBT publications), but mostly it’s just that her music has been a consistent source of enjoyment and happiness for me since I discovered it. For those of you who aren’t as familiar with Shania, first of all, go download her Greatest Hits album right now. You won’t be disappointed. Secondly, her upcoming album is her first studio album in 15 years. That’s why Shania fans are totally freaking out! We’ve been waiting very patiently for this. I remember the five year wait between Come On Over and UP! and how that felt like agony, but that’s nothing compared to this! Shania has teased new music for several years now. We finally got a definitive release date scheduled earlier this year and she debuted her new single at the Stagecoach music festival in California, and then on Today in June. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was a little apprehensive. Any doubts I may have had were gone completely once I heard “Life’s About To Get Good.” For the six weeks after the performance at Stagecoach leading up to the release of the single on iTunes, I played the live version repeatedly. I couldn’t get enough! She’s released three other promo tracks which are equally as great, and previewed snippets of a few other songs from Now as well. I can’t wait to download the full album later this week and finally hold a brand new Shania Twain CD in my hands. I know, because Shania promised me, that life’s about to get good.  |
No inhibitions
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